Christmas joys (and annoyances)

Oh dear god.

Oh dear god.

Just like how I cannot stand Halloween, I get that some people don't really care for Christmas - or at least all of the hoopla surrounding it. I love (most of) the music, the decorations, and all the happiness and the cheesy movies. But, there's quite a few things I could live without, too. Let's talk about them.

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blah blah-blah blah blaaaah's...

The 12 Days of Christmas song. Why is it sooooooo long? I mean, I know why. But, over the many years I've been subjected to this song, I've noticed that if you listen to it from beginning to end while 100% completely sober, by day 6, you're ready to shoot the partridge out of the pear tree. With cocktail, though...it's just background noise.

Red lipstick. Seriously - I feel as though I never need an excuse to wear it, but I really feel like it's a necessity during Christmastime. Even during the day. Yep. 8 a.m. and I'm donning "Pirate" by Chanel.

How people get nasty. I know you know what I'm talking about. How many times do you mutter "Merry Christmas" in a sarcastic tone under your breath because some crankypants totally popped your happy holly berry bubble?

"Sir I wanna buy these shooooooes...." Sobbing. I hate and love it. A good cry is healthy once in a while. But, only for a minute.

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

How if you search for "stocking stuffers" on Amazon, it gives you 90% gag gifts. I'm not going to put bacon toothpicks, a fart noise maker or Obama toilet paper in anyone's stocking. A Christmas stocking is not a bachelor party, an over-the-hill birthday or a JOKE. I'm actually kind of disappointed in Amazon for this, and thought of writing them a letter.

Saying "Merry Christmas" to strangers. I say "Happy Holidays" because 1) I'm not sure if that person celebrates Christmas but they must celebrate New Years Eve and 2) Saying HH encompasses everything. BUT - I most certainly appreciate when someone wishes me "Merry Christmas" so I can say it right back.

desserts.jpg

The constant "Don't gain weight during the holidays - here's how!" ads, articles and blog posts we're all plagued by. Look, you're supposed to enjoy yourself during the holidays. You're supposed to have cookies, eat dinner and sip cocktails and not think about some bullsh*t piece you read by some woman you don't even know. And, who probably only wrote it to make herself feel better about getting home from work starving because she had "dry leafy greens" for lunch, so she rips open a bag of Doritos and watches How I Met Your Mother reruns until the bag's empty and her fingers are orange. She's a freak, you're not, have a damn cookie.

Giving presents. My goodness, it just feels good. Those few precious seconds where someone is opening a gift you selected for them is just so precious. I'm always so anxious, excited and just plain happy to watch the recipient open their gifts. Adults turn into kids for a moment, and it's such an adorable, vulnerable moment.

Unless it's a stocking filled with bacon toothpicks, Obama toilet paper and a crazy cat lady figurine. It's a real thing.