A good friend of mine (let's call her Joy) is 36 and single. She had a long-term relationship that ended almost a year ago and after taking some time, she's back in the saddle - and on dating apps. Yay. She has the best attitude about it - and I'm so glad because she also has the best sense of humor. And, as someone who has chronicled my own dating mishaps, and who's worked for a dating site, I absolutely LOVE anything and everything that involves dating. So, I've received permission to share her adventures with you, as texted to me!
Joy: "Went on second date and he asked to see what apps I have on my phone. He crinkled his nose and said, "Panera, huh?"
Me: "Anyone who doesn't appreciate broccoli cheddar soup and rapid pickup in times of need is not worth a third date.”
Joy: "First date with Ben, the attorney. He shared that he's learning to get over his obsession with counting vowels in every text he receives. He also suggested we split the bill and cited equality as the reason."
Me: "No! No no no. Will there be a second date?"
Joy: "I told him I wasn't interested. I wanted to text it to him with soooooooooooooooorry Beeeeeeeeeeeeen. Take caaaaareeeeee."
Joy: "Alex is a no. His ex-girlfriend was sitting at a table across the restaurant. He pointed her out to me. She kept looking over and then talking to her friend. It was so awkward."
Me: "Why didn't you just leave?! Why didn't HE suggest that you leave?"
Joy: "I think he liked it. He gave off that vibe. Plus his breath smelled."
Me: "How close did you get to him to know that?!"
Joy: "Only every time he leaned forward at the table. He's one of those people who push their breath out in little puffs when they talk. Gross."
Me: "THAT is the WORST. Bye stinky Alex."
Joy: "I'm going to die alone. In the bathroom and this guy is a nightmare. He's too intense. Told me about his road rage incident on way here for 20 min. I want to leave."
Me: "Omg. Want me to call you with a 911? I always wanted to do that."
Joy: "No, I'm literally just going to leave. Don't care he's nuts. Bartender is hot tho."
Me: "GET NUMBER AND BOUNCE."
Joy: "He showed me a photo of his son. I went on one date with him.”
Me: “...the son?!”
Me: “Time to move.”
Joy hopes these lil' stories shine a light on your current dating/relationship situation, and perhaps they offer you hope and perspective. Also, at least we're all not Becca on The Bachelor, right?
Or, let's be honest - worse...Lauren B.