Dating for the ages

"Here. This is my online dating profile. Feel free to critique it", a neighbor said as she handed me her gigantic smartphone. I was a glass of wine deep and that means I'm feeling very opinionated - and if there's one thing I'm opinionated's dating.

I read through her (a woman in her late 50s who has more energy and style than a 25-year-old) "All About Me" and actually liked it. I told her to consider changing her profile photo to one of just her - and not one of her and her handsome adult son. 

"Men won't click on your profile if there's a 20-something guy with his arm around you. They don't know it's your son. We're in Orange County - it could be your gigolo", I offered.

Cue head nodding and eruption of laughter. And a wine refill. 

We went on to chat about all things dating, but dating that involves a mature woman who's jumping back in the pool, as opposed to a woman wearing swimmies. And, I couldn't have been more fascinated. Especially as a newly-married woman who used to blog about her own dating experiences.

"It's not all about looks for me. Been there, done that. Of course there has to be attraction, but I need a mental and emotional connection the most. A companion", she told me.

Our conversation went on some more, and we compared Worst Date Ever stories. I won. Yay me. 

Later that evening, my husband and I decided to walk to our local bar for a nightcap, with a friend who was in town to find a place to live. We took our seats, and I ordered a water because I'd just shared a bottle and a half of red wine with my neighbor.

I was about three sips in when a very drunk, very tall, very thin 20-something next to me leaned over and asked me, "are your friends single?" A deep snarl escaped me, and when I put my fangs away and told her one is my husband and the other is married to my best friend, she asked where she could get some food. 

(Insert obvious joke)

She shot down all of my dining recommendations (shocking), and then somehow segued into the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years because "He was telling me that he was making movies with James Franco and Robert DeNiro and that's why he's out so late at night, and he could never show me any proof." 

I asked her if her boyfriend had an IMDb page, but she didn't know what that was. 

"I'm a model, and you know - I'm only a model because I'm just good at it. But, I want to get married and have kids. We've been together three years and he's cheated on me twice. But, I forgave him." 

I want to die at this point, but I persevere because it's entertainment. "What is so great about him, then?"

"He comes from a really good family. They own jewelry stores in Laguna Beach. He has a nice car. *Laughs* But he's not even that good-looking. No way would he be able to work with James Franco and Robert DeNiro", she she looked far off somewhere in the air.

"Well, I don't know if it's all about looks, really..." I say.

She shoots me a 'come on' look. I giggle and sip my water.

I look forward to someone critiquing her online dating profile in 30 years.