I like my (really wrong) lyrics

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The title says it all. Let’s jump right in.

Oh — all of the links take you right to the misheard lyric mark in a new window. So interactive. You’re welcome.

Maroon 5 — What Lovers Do (btw I LOVE this song — guaranteed to make me dance)
What I hear: Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh…I’m a chef for you.
Real Lyrics: Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh…been wishin’ for you.
Why I like mine better: Who doesn’t like someone to cook for them? That’s what lovers do.

Elton John — Rocket Man
What I hear: Rocket Man…burnin’ down the streets of Ebersole.
Real Lyrics: Rocket Man…burnin’ out his fuse up here alone.
Why I like mine better: I imagine “Ebersole” is a terrible place in England and needs some burning down/rebuilding and who better to do it than Rocket Man?

Bruno Mars — 24k Magic
What I hear: Players! Put your pinky fingers to the moon.
Real Lyrics: Players! Put your pinky rings up to the moon.
Why I like mine better: I imagine your pinky finger goes up if you’re throwing back a drink super fancy-like. So, it’s like Bruno is telling us to enjoy a libation on him. Cheers!

Dave Matthews Band — Ants Marching (brace yourself - mind you, I’ve been a HUGE fan since the 90s so this is embarrassing)
What I hear: Can we man, tempting the boss, of a sweet tooth talking too much aaaaand, cuts in the corner there’s a loose end, loose end, cut, cut. All my friends come out to offend…cut cut, cut cut.
Real Lyrics: Candyman teasing the thoughts of a sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss programs cutting the corners - loose end, loose end, cut, cut. On the fence, could not to offend — cut, cut, cut, cut.
Why I like mine better: I mean, neither make a whole lotta sense, honestly.

Blink 182 — What’s My Age Again?
What I hear: I took her out, it was a Friday night. I walked alone, to get the feeling right…
Real Lyric: I took her out, it was a Friday night. I wore cologne, to get the feeling right…
Why I like mine better: I imagine he wanted to be alone to gather his thoughts because he was so nervous for their date. Cologne can sometimes be super stinky and thus — don’t make a ‘feeling right.’

Red Hot Chili Peppers — Can’t Stop
What I hear: Can’t stop, addicted to the shindig, Charlie Parker says I’m gonna win big.
Real Lyrics: Can’t stop, addicted to the shindig, Chop Top, he says I’m gonna win big.
Why I like mine better: I don't really like mine better, but any mention of Charlie Parker makes for a better song, I think. And what does Chop Top mean, anyway? (psst, I looked it up and it’s a hot rod term but who knows what the RHCP meant by it)

That’s all — for now, anyway. I mean, I’m mishearing lyrics on the regular.