5 hours of lonely
I knew moving to the UK would be full of challenges — some I could predict and some I wouldn’t be able to. That kind of uncertainty does not bode well for anxiety levels, but more on that some other time…maybe.
What I didn’t expect, however — was the 5 hour time difference to be so lonely in the mornings. When I get my son off to school, it’s 8.30 am here — but 3.30 am in New York. I can’t text or call anyone during my walk back home or to the coffee shop where I write or just sit to be around people. I used to call my mom after drop-off back in the states, so not hearing her voice as often as I used to is especially difficult.
10 am rolls around, and I ask Siri, “What time is it in New York” and she’s like, “5 am, why can’t you do this simple math?”
Sometimes, I’ll get a text from the very, very few early birds I know — and those texts are met with my excited fingers feverishly typing my immediate responses.
You might be asking why I don’t have anyone to get coffee with, or other social interactions during this time. I’ll tell you, briefly — we’ve been here in London for just two months, and school has been in session for just two weeks. Also, British moms mums are not overly friendly. I don’t mean that as an insult — the best way I can explain it is that there’s a lot of genuine kindness, but not in-your-face let’s be friends and tell each other our opinions, life stories and secrets immediately. And, honestly — I can appreciate that. I don’t do well with fake. So, in short — making “let’s get coffee” friends here takes time. I already knew that thanks to the ‘ex-pats guide to London’ books I skimmed through, but my son’s school does have a coffee social occasionally after drop-off so that’ll be interesting. I’ll update you then.
Back to being lonely.
It’s lunchtime now. I sit down with my salad or croissant and coffee, or whatever fancies me that day — and it’s still only 7 am on the east coast. Social media is a bit more active (I can see you viewing my stories :) ) so I can throw some thoughts out there and get some interaction and connection to that bigger feeling of ‘home’ than what I have here so far.
Side Note: As I’m typing this, I am feeling equal parts sad for myself as well as pathetic. But, I’m being honest.
I call my mom around 1.30 - 2pm and have a nice check-in with what she’s got planned for the day. I send her photos of her only grandchild, and try not to let her hear my voice shake as I tell her I miss and love her, and that we will plan a trip back to visit soon, probably around the holidays when O has a school break.
Then, it’s nearly time to collect my love from school, and other texts/emails/messages from friends have been coming in. So, the loneliness has dissipated and I can exhale a bit more smoothly. Once I see my little boy’s smiling face exiting his school, I feel completely whole again, and remember what it’s all about.
Those 5 hours will likely get easier and less lonely as time passes, which is a bit poetic, isn’t it? Time is really what allows us to have all we have, think, feel, see, do.
Now I will wait patiently for you to read this. Tick tock.