The very second I knew
It was a great day. Nothing and no one could bring me down - not even the work-related problems I encountered that day. Even little things I would normally find annoying were just sliding off my back without a second thought. And, I had absolutely no idea why.
I packed up my bag, cleared my desk, emptied my inbox and powered my computer down. Walking out to my car, I hummed Adele's song "Sweetest Devotion" from her newest album and thought about what we'd have for dinner when I got home.
My humming turned into singing as the CD coincidentally hit the same song I came to label as my favorite, which opened up with Adele's son saying something about 'wanting friendship' and her singing about her love for him.
I stopped at the same red light I usually did in Orange County rush hour traffic, singing I'll forever be whatever you want me to be. I'll go under, and all over, for your clarity... and I choked up inexplicably, with tears trickling down my cheeks. The light turned green and...
...I realized, with a wave of warm electricity crashing into me...I'm pregnant.
And, I can't explain this now - and probably never will be able to - but for some reason I said out loud, "and it's probably a boy." I think maybe I felt so connected to the song for that same inexplicable reason, but also because everyone, including myself, always said they could see me with a little girl. And wouldn't that just be a funny way of life turning out?
It wasn't until the next day that I officially confirmed what I already knew to be true. I didn't tell my husband until I had that confirmation, either. I don't remember how I was able to go an evening/night without telling him what I felt - but now I like to think it was the sweetest little secret Owen and I could keep between us for that tiny window of time.
And now, whenever I hear that song - I think of when that red light turned green.
And go, go, go, we shall.